You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
