he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
