my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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