new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
