i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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