An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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