Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
