I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
