You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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