I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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