Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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