So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
