My first STD was from a foam party
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
