If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
