I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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