am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
