dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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