dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need to stop coming to work sober
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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