I just cut my nipple shaving
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
