I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
