I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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