Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
