I CAN MOONWALK!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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