And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
