addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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