yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize