She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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