dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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