Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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