im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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