I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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