I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
