scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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