my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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