My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
