i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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