Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
