He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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