Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
