This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
