Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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