I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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