Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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