I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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