let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
