and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
