he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
