i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
