Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
