I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
