someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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