the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
