nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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