Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
