...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
