my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize