Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
