PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
