Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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