I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
