She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
