i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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