I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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