I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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