Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
