I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize